You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize