i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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