My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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