you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Randomize
