just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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