she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Randomize
