This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
