I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
