It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
