i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Randomize
