What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Randomize
