I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
