why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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