It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
