Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
