i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
