so explain again why im purple
no
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Randomize
