Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
