is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
