Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
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