Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
