is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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