Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
