last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize