At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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