I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
