Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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