ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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