U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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