i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Girls should come with a carfax report
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
