Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize