So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
