Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize