Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
