Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
