she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
