All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
