:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
