Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
