Moan for me like Helen Keller
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
