We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
