drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
