Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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