You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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