THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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