He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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