i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Maybe he injected his testicle?
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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