susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
