they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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