I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
