u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Moan for me like Helen Keller
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
