why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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