Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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