I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
