if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
