Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
