Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
