Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I just found puke in my bra..
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
