I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
