They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
